What Difference Does It Make?

Well, posts will be few and far between, it seems. But the topic of the last one remains very pertinent, since yesterday saw the courts of the state of Iowa OK same-sex marriage. I always thought Iowa had more than its share of common sense, and it's nice to have that confirmed. One of my favorite people in the world grew up in Iowa, though I fear her very fervent Catholicism may put her on the other side of this issue (she may well surprise me though, she has before!).

Anyway, I'm still with Keith Olbermann in his famous Special Comment on the horrific Proposition 8 in California last year (see "What Is It To You?" post, November 2008). What difference does it make to anyone if someone else chooses to be happy in a different way? If two people are responsible and respectful and faithful to each other, who cares if they are of different genders or not? How does the same-sex marriage of two people damage the heterosexual marriage of two others who don't even know them? Why do we need to gin up tons of energy and create tons of bad feeling on this issue?

I've read the whole bible and Jesus said nothing at all about gays (let alone lesbians). The few repudiations or condemnations of homosexual behavior in the Old Testament seem to focus on temple prostitution, which was part of the religions of some of the Jews' pagan neighbors. The men of Sodom who threaten to gang-rape Lot's guests in one incident are out to show their disrespect for and power over the "strangers," and are condemned for violating the laws of hospitality in general. (When Lot offers to send out his virgin daughters to be raped instead, no one seems to think that is out of line, either!) And the quote that all the bigots harp on, about men not being allowed to "lie with" other men as they do with women, is in my opinion the contribution of a writer freaked out about (a) the idea that a man, in patriarchy, is being "used" like women are "supposed to be" used and (b) the very notion of non-procreative sex, i.e. sex that can't result in a baby.

Well, we are, I hope, in a declining patriarchy where sex is no longer exclusively a sphere in which we re-enact patriarchal power relations (i.e., men on top). We are also on a planet which is over-populated to a critical extent, and should be grateful when people of whatever sexual persuasion express their sexuality without abetting the population explosion!

I remain true to my previously stated opinion that sexual preference does not determine character. There is nothing intrinsically immoral or dirty or shameful about feeling attracted to someone of your own gender. It's immoral to cheat someone, anyone, whom you supposedly love, it's immoral to lie to them or put them at risk, it's immoral to treat them irresponsibly, disrespectfully and cruelly. But what's most immoral, plain downright wrong, is discriminating against people on the basis of whom they love, preventing them from enjoying full civil rights and all the legal and financial protections and safeguards of marriage. I will stand by that until I die.

"What Is It To You?"

This is just a brief post, I'm pressed for time today, but I had to talk about what is on my mind again and again as I contemplate the 2008 elections. I'm really angry that my great joy in the election of Barack Obama, a win I feared would be negated by the same sort of dirty tricks that so terribly marred the 2000 and 2004 elections, was robbed from me within hours by the sorrow I feel over the passage of four horrible anti-gay and -lesbian measures (in Arkansas, Arizona, California and Florida).

Keith Olbermann of MSNBC managed to put my feelings into very eloquent words, which anyone can find on YouTube: just input Olbermann Proposition 8 into the YouTube search feature. Less than seven minutes, a special comment at the end of his "Countdown" program, that brought me, my very stoic spouse and my tough as steel mother to tears. "What is it to you?" he asked the people who supported these terrible anti-GLBT measures.

I too ask, what is it to these people, these homophobes? Why do they feel threatened by whom others choose to love? Why do they need to enshrine their revolting bigotry in our state constitutions?

Now, I'm a rational being. I know that part of the problem is that many people just don't want anyone to see that there are plenty of workable alternatives to a "traditional" heterosexual male-female union, complete with male dominance, female subordination and so forth, and served with lashings of ostentatious hard-line Christianity (or Judaism or Islam). But "traditional" religions and people must feel very weak indeed to think they need to "ban" (as if one really could) any kind of human relationship other than the stereotypical "Adam and Eve" one. And what's worse, I think many voted on these awful measures without much thought at all, or with a feeling of self-righteous superiority.

I think it's deeply despicable to tell two women or two men who happen to love each other that our country, supposedly all about freedom, equality and the pursuit of happiness, denies them all the benefits (far more than a thousand, under law) of marriage and the recognition of a stable family unit. And jeopardizes or restricts (or denies) their rights to raise their children, care for each other in sickness, inherit from each other upon death, etc.

What's particularly troubling is that so many of us appear to be so weak, with egos so fragile, that we think we "need" some "out-group" that it's "O.K." to discriminate against. And since it's no longer O.K. to dump very publicly on women and non-white (straight) males, these elements seem to cling all the more stubbornly to the demonization of gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders.

Let me put this very simply: Who you love, or are sexually attracted to, does not determine whether or not you are of good character. These are independent things. Heterosexuals range from wonderful to absolutely awful, and so do non-heterosexuals. Being gay (or L, B or T) does not make you inferior, evil, lesser, or sinful. It may, given our larger society's ugly tendency to assume that being gay (or lesbian, bi-sexual or transgender) DOES make you inferior, evil, lesser, and/or sinful, make it harder to feel good about yourself and develop a healthy self-esteem that can make it easier to do the right thing. But all of that hasn't stopped my gay and lesbian friends from creating shining examples of honorable, positive, loving, decades-long marriage. And I'm going to go on saying "marriage," and fighting for their right to BE legally married just like I am, as long as I live.